


No Matter What [A Vocaloid Oneshot]

by waitforapseud (tootheater)



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Anorexia Mention, Suicide, eating disorder mention, self harm mention, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 10:10:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12130200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tootheater/pseuds/waitforapseud
Summary: The pain was going to end, no matter what.





	No Matter What [A Vocaloid Oneshot]

**Author's Note:**

> Rated for suicide mention/attempt, suicide mention, and eating disorder mention.

The pain had to end, no matter what.

Piko stood at the edge of the school roof, where only a three-foot high barrier stopped him from directly walking off. The boy looked so much worse than he had ever looked before; silver hair thinning and falling out, cheeks and chest pale sunken in, dark circles surrounding his left blue eye and right green eye, dark red tear stains on his cheeks, and when one pulled up his sleeves or pant legs there was nothing but scars, cuts, bruises, and dried blood all over. He'd flat out stopped caring about himself at some point, but soon grew to care again.

A little too much.

He stopped eating altogether, rather than limiting his meals due to his tendency to throw up from being so anxious. He began cutting his arms and legs, exasperated from his search for relief from these crushing, haunting feelings.

But the relief only lasted a few seconds for every slice.

Piko could barely even find the will to cry over any of the comments made towards him anymore.

_Pansy._

_She-male._

_Womanboy._

_Bitch._

_Freak._

_Two-eyes._

Amongst many others.

The tears soon came regardless of whether he found the will or not to let them form. A scream tore at his throat, _desperate_ to be released. Piko felt his vocal chords tensing up, before releasing the aforementioned scream against his will. He collapsed to his knees, clutching his head. Sobs wracked his skinny, weakening body. The male was hunched over on the ground, every pent up scream and sob coming down on him harder than the flood Noah had built the Ark to escape from came down on the Earth.

The pain had to end, no matter what.

Piko reached up with both arms, pulling himself back up to his feet. Still gripping the railing of the barrier, he hoisted himself up and put his left foot on the railing. The up went his right foot. He stood himself upright on the edge of the barrier, and soon felt himself slowly leaning forward.

The pain was going to end, no matter what.

It was going to end with a flair; the cracking and crunching of the bones, and the splatting sound of human flesh making contact with the ground after a 70 metre drop. Well, this drop wasn't 70 metres. But it was still enough to kill someone if they jumped from the roof.

Piko was so close. His toes curled around the edge of the barrier.

So close.

But the distance between him and death was then abruptly and jerkily widened as something harshly yanked his jacked back, pulling Piko with it. A pair of arms was now holding Piko in a nearly bone-crushing embrace.

"P-Piko, you idiot!"

The silver-haired boy recognized the voice immediately.

_Fukase._

"Why, Piko!?"

Piko looked up, his odd eyes registering Fukase's red hair, red eyes, red everything. The only things that weren't red were the split colours of his half-deformed face, and the clear, salty tears that streamed down that face.

"I-I..." Piko desperately searched his brain for some sort of excuse. But what kind of excuse would get him out of a situation like this?

"D-don't lie to me, Piko..." Fukase grumbled emotionally, "friends don't l-lie to each o-other..."

Piko's eyes then lowered. _What the hell am I supposed to say?_ he thought. There was nothing he _could_ say. For within a minute of Fukase's speaking Piko broke down into tears again, knees giving out underneath him, and choking out incoherent babble; his rather pathetic attempt at explaining _something_ , but the incoherency left his words unknown to even himself. The babble was joined by Fukase's mumbling words of comfort, and petting Piko's head in a soothing way.

Minutes passed, thought to the silver-haired boy it felt like so much longer. He lifted his aching head off of Fukase's chest, sniffling and hiccuping. He still couldn't form any words.

"Piko, c-could... could you..." Fukase mumbled, leaning in closer to Piko again. "... t-tell me ...why...?"

The other male stayed silent a moment, trying to gather his words in his mind. But how could he? His brain was still clouded with the preexisting suicidal ideations. _But that was exactly what he wanted to say to Fukase._

 _"I wanted to kill myself," that's what..._ Piko thought. His mouth mimed the syllables of his thoughts, leaving Fukase to read his pale, chapped lips and figure out what he was saying.

"... Piko..."

Piko lowered his eyes, trembling. _Did he not understand...?_

"Piko, don't... don't ever try that again..."

Piko lifted his head, odd eyes locking with one red iris and and entirely red cornea. "W-what...?"

"You heard me, Piko... don't... don't fucking do that again!" Tears were falling down Fukase's asymmetrical face. "You hear me!? I-I'm not going through life alone... th-they harass me too, Piko... i-if I can deal with it..." Fukase's voice broke. "God... g-goddammit..." He turned away, trying to wipe the tears away in a subtle way.

"F-Fukase..." Piko choked.

"God, I h-hate emotional stuff..." Fukase mumbled. His gaze returned to Piko, eyes a little drier than before. "Seriously, Piko..."

Piko sighed shakily. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his baggy white jacket.

"That... that jacket..."

Piko looked at Fukase, tensing up and feeling the pit of his stomach get weighed down by a boulder. "W... w-what...?"

"So baggy..." Fukase reached over and lightly tugged on the sleeve. "This used to fit your frame perfectly..." Fukase's voice was flooded with worry. "... Piko... when... w-when's the last time you ate anything...?"

Piko froze. When _was_ the last time he ate anything? He'd been so focused on other things. Like how he would actually carry out his suicide...

"U-um..." he stuttered out, "to tell you the truth..." Piko laughed sheepishly, earning a rather upset look from Fukase. Piko's smile dropped off of his face, and he mumbled, "I dunno..."

Fukase looked Piko right in the eyes. "You've got yourself _destroyed_..."

Piko hung his head, shame and anxiety overpowering him. "I-I'm s-sorry, Fu-F-Fukase..." he could feel the sobs desperately clawing their way up his throat.

_No I'm not._

Piko's brain flooded with thoughts, completely out of the blue. He looked up, tears pouring down his pale and stained cheeks. Fukase's lips were moving, but no sound was coming out.

_Why would I be sorry? I'd be doing everyone a favour. Even you, Fukase. I'm just a burden._

_A nobody._

_A_ _waste of space and air._

_I guess I am sorry for something, though. Sorry that anyone ever had to put up with me in the first place._

Piko slowly turned away from Fukase, his body feeling like it was being held down by the pressures of the depths of the ocean.

Muffled questioning came from Fukase's mouth, but the questioning didn't stop Piko from trudging his way back to the barrier.

"Piko! Pi..." Fukase's voice cut in and out from Piko's sense of hearing. "What... doing!? P... get away from...!!!"

Piko attempted to hoist himself back up on top of the barrier, but felt himself getting pulled back again.

Fukase wasn't going to let him jump, was he?

 _It's all out of pity,_ thought Piko, _he doesn't really care._

"Piko, fucking hell... wh... you thinking!?"

Everything continued to fade in and out of the heterochromatic-eyed boy's auditory senses. He turned and pushed Fukase away, but the redheaded boy continued to advance and pull him away from the barrier.

 _"_ _Piko, snap out of it!!_ " Fukase cried; finally, a whole sentence made it to Piko's ears. But the silver-haired boy did not listen. Reeling back, he thrusted his fist forwards, and his knuckles came hard into contact with Fukase's right cheekbone. The latter boy staggered back in a daze.

 _NOW!_ Piko's brain urged him on. He turned and hopped up onto the barrier. Piko felt everything melt away from his consciousness as he leapt, leaving only a now capacitated Fukase screaming Piko's after him.

The pain had to end, no matter what.

And it did.


End file.
